Thirsty, California? Trump’s Adult Film Industry Water Plan Aims to Soak the City

Donald Trump recently suggested turning on a "big faucet" to deliver water from Oregon to LA. But after a brief misunderstanding of how faucets work, Trump has revised his proposal on how to get water to a thirsty California.

"Folks, we’re going to fly in the finest squirters in the adult film industry. Tremendous women, very talented. I’ve met them. I’ve had affairs with them. I’ve paid them campaign money for their silence. Some of the best in the world, believe me. They’re going to fill the LA aqueduct faster than you’ve ever seen."

When asked about his qualifications in water infrastructure Trump bragged about being 60% water. He did, though, give some insight as to how he plans to purify the water.

"We'll install massive mirrors to evaporate the water, turning it into natural Trump rain that’ll fall back onto the city. Straight from snatch to sky to cup!”

Trump has reportedly even created his own airline exclusively for the transport of these absolute gushers.

     Already ranked higher than Spirit Air

For those wondering about expenses, Trump insists that his new line of merchandise should more than offset the cost of the project.

                      All profits go to squirter transport

We also got a hold of the proposal, which was leaked when Trump drunkenly tweeted it. Here, his team outlines the mathematical feasibility of this operation they are calling “Project Splashdown.” From their rigorous analysis, they estimate that this could yield up to 12,000 liters of water to L.A. each day. This amount is expected to generously cover the water usage of up to four suburban lawns.

In a recent press conference, a reporter asked Trump how exactly they can "assume continuous operation." Trump’s response:

“You keep the girls vibrating, you keep the water flowing. So, we’ve engineered the biggest washing machine you’ve ever seen. It’s huge. All 500 pornstars can sit on it, and we’ll keep it running on the highest setting 24/7. Bulky/Bedding. Folks, they’ll never not be vibrating.”

                Sure to be a fun scene for passersby

When asked a follow-up question about the high water usage of the washing machine, Trump abruptly ended the press conference, calling every media outlet ‘fake news’ and quipping that none of the reporters there had ‘probably even seen a real boob.’