Trump Claims to be ‘Blacker’ than Harris, Recalls His Three-Point Shot Made in ‘98
In a recent conference, Donald Trump claimed that Kamala Harris chose to be Black. According to Trump, Harris attended a Jackson 5 concert in the 80s, where she realized that turning Black could help her in politics. Trump says that Kamala has since enrolled in the MasterClass “How to Succeed in Blackness Without Really Trying.” Trump recently stated,
Later that week, Trump went on C-SPAN, touting a list of his "achievements" for Black people:
“Folks, I’ve done more for Black people than anyone. I made the best HBCU ever—Trump University. I invented Juneteenth—nobody even knew about it before me. And let’s not forget my contribution to making the Black Lives Matter protests the most talked-about thing ever by sending in the National Guard. Huge success, folks. You’re welcome.”
After muttering in a rally that he had never even seen Kamala sink a three-pointer, Trump declared himself the “biggest b-baller America has ever seen,” then proudly showed a grainy VHS video of him barely sinking a shallow three back in ‘98. The shot bounced off the rim twice, hit the backboard, and circled the hoop before finally dropping in. Trump could be heard in the background yelling “Nothing but net!” Apparently, Trump’s basketball legacy extends far beyond this infamous shot he made at his Wharton 30-year reunion, where Junk-Bond King Michael Milken—freshly released from prison—described the shot as “totally bitchin.” Trump elaborated:
“I taught LeBron James everything he knows and even let him win during a 1:1 pickup game we played in New York. That’s just the kind of guy I am. Ask him!”
LeBron James assured reporters that he has never played a game with Trump. After a twenty-minute investigation, sources confirmed that Trump’s game took place with a sophomore at the Bronx High School of Science. While Trump has been at home icing his knees after the close loss [63-1], he has been preparing for a diplomatic meeting with King T’Challa. When informed by reporters at a recent press conference that Wakanda isn’t real, Trump’s mic picked up him whispering to an aide, “Wait, so is Madagascar fake too?”