Trump Claims Haitians Are 'Eating Our Dogs,' Leaves One-Star Poodle Tartare Review

Donald Trump claimed in the presidential debate that Haitian immigrants are ‘eating our dogs.” After being fact checked Trump doubled down on this statement, describing a recent experience he allegedly had at a restaraunt in Springfield.

“I went to this restaurant—run by Haitians, folks. I look at the menu, and they’ve got ‘Rover three ways.’ I thought, ‘No thanks, I’m not interested in a three-way with a dog… again!’ I then see they have a dish called ‘Koda with Jerk Rub.’ That’s what Melania calls sex with me, by the way—probably because I’m so fast. Like, the fastest! I ask about the special, Poodle Tartare, and the waiter asks if I wanna raw dog. And I said No—that’s how I ended up with Eric!’ So I order ‘Terrier Tacos,’ and when it arrives—get this—it still has the collar on! The dog’s probably microchipped, too, so now people can track me for eating it. It’s like the COVID vaccine all over again, folks!”

Trump also went as far as to say,

“They were handing out ‘found dog’ flyers with nutrition labels. They’re trying to make us weak, folks. They want us too full of dog to fight back!”

He even left a yelp review, stating:

Licking his fingers from the meal, Trump proclaimed:

"I love bitches. So, we're gonna build a new wall—this time around every dog park in America. No Haitians, no cats, no fake news allowed. Just pure, un-chewed-on American dogs. And believe me, folks, the Haitians will be paying for it!”

Meanwhile, PETA responded:

"For a guy who's eaten more dog than pussy, we'd recommend he focus on more pressing matters."